Lorna Collins

Tricks of the Mind

Air dissolves
revolving fractal patterning,
untacks the
structure flattening
the flocks that hide this matinée,
‘till I can’t see the physical,
it jutters, wilts and flutters silt
down the wave of craving stoves
(the heat is meet and crams my throat).

I’m riding on the line that sits between
the inside and the outside.
Fried, nude here,
where crude, blurred shapes
bounce and flounce,
denouncing all the barriers
carrying the harriers
that hustle, gristle, pestle
(nestling little mortar,
crushing all the objects)
‘till all I see is floating
somewhere indeterminate.

The brain shudders at such fodder,
credible yet inedible,
ever-dodging bludgeons
from the chemicals.
The noise rouses,
crams the ploy
not to stay;
the brain strains to break
from its mouldy, damp skull.

Bully for you.
A toll for me:
my arms swarm
with storms of warming,
pores that crawl
(raw) out of the atmosphere.

Weary here, I stutter, rotten
(boiled, bloating batter)
with blurred, regurgitating urges
that deem to capture nectar,
flitching sectors,
soon detecting indiscernible
comfiture – on that line (dissolved)
revolving inside/outside
(who abandons me).

Dr. Nonchalent says I’m “muddled”.
Incredible, befuddled.
Garbling, jumbled.
Puzzled, struggled.

The other says that nothing’s real
In my head; no cred.
They give me diagnoses
and pills to halt the stilted rills
of blood that strain around my head.

Baited, sedated, weighted
to haul the grotes of floting moats
that choke me.

So I learn how to breathe.
Seething ‘neath bequeathing wreaths
of bright white sheaves and leaves
that grow.

Tickling roots of nurture
shoots that ripple, tipple, topple,
fracturing the torture,
searching for the pasture
and birch, not to butcher,
but lurching into watching.
Just watching.

LORNA COLLINS is an artist, writer and arts educator based in Cambridge, where she completed her PhD as a Foundation Scholar in French Philosophy, at Jesus College. She was the founder and co-organiser/curator of the trans-disciplinary Making Sense colloquia and co-editor of the series of Making Sense books. She is the author of a monograph published in 2014 with Bloomsbury, Making Sense: Art Practice and Transformative Therapeutics. She is also the co-editor of Deleuze and the Schizoanalysis of Visual Art. Her provocative practice as an artist (in poetry, performance, film, paint and installation) drives the motor that lies behind all her existential and epistemological (philosophical) enquiries.    http://lornacollins.com